Maroon 5 - Maps
Thank you for taking the time to lend me your kind words. It means a lot, anon
I’m not the same person who I was a year ago and it scares me. I’m not as confident and outgoing as I used to be. And I know I shouldn’t hate myself. But sometimes it’s hard not to get frustrated at myself at times. Because when I show my friends this new side of me, they just don’t seem to understand or accept it. I’m so timid, anxious and paranoid now. And I get this was due to all the shit I had to go through in the past 2 years, and that the healing process will take some time. But it just seems like they think I should still be the same outgoing and confident person I was over a year ago. And that the pain right now can go away in an instant if I tried. I know it’s not their fault they don’t understand. But it’s hard to know who I can turn to sometimes; Who won’t see the “simple fixes” like exercising, finding a new hobby, seeing friends, etc as things that will make the pain go away or keep my mind off of things. Even though I still appreciate them being here, it seems they don’t know how deep these scars go. And I don’t blame them. But I wish it didn’t always seem like they were belittling my pain, or think they have the right to tell me how I should feel and force me with advice when they don’t even know what I’m going through (and the only thing I ever asked from them was to listen to me when I needed it the most). This is why most of the time I just don’t want to talk about my feelings to even those who said they’ll be there. And that just leaves me alone overwhelmed with my own bad thoughts, where I’m not in the right state to know who my true friends are anymore.
I think it’s best to keep my feelings to myself and deal with everything on my own from now on. I don’t want to hurt anyone else. My judgement on people and other things in general isn’t the best right now. And I know it’s all on me. I have to sort my head out and learn not to let my past affect my present so much anymore.
I like the ones that are relatively quiet; The ones that don’t really stand out in the crowd. And you’re glad, because then no one else can see the hidden treasures that are possessed within. They have a mysterious quality that make you want to dig deeper and deeper as each day goes by. And what you find is that they help you see the things that have always been beyond your imagination. Because they never follow the crowd, they always wander off in their own little world. They show you the beauty in the most trivial things. Like when you first found out how the sun helps the trees grow, and the tree gives us oxygen, so we can continue to live and grow too. They make you question everything you valued before them. Because the emptiness you never even knew you had is now filled with the sound of their voice, their smile and the way they touched you(r heart). They fill you up with things more precious than gold. It’s called Love.